


Home

by jimmoriartyisthebestboss



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Artist Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Cussing, M/M, Memories, PTSD, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Captain America: The First Avenger, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 11:40:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18777556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jimmoriartyisthebestboss/pseuds/jimmoriartyisthebestboss
Summary: When Bucky Barnes wakes up from a nightmare fueled by his inner demons, Steve Rogers helps to comfort him.





	Home

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> The title is taken from the song HOME by BTS. Home seems to fit Bucky and Steve perfectly as they are each other's home.
> 
> I want to let you know that starting next week, I will be posting Endgame spoiler filled fan fictions.
> 
> I find it interesting to explore Bucky and Steve's inner demons and I wanted to write this where they try to tackle them together.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy!

Bucky Barnes never saw himself as a hero. In his years of protecting Steve and his time in the army, he never allowed himself to see himself beyond that boy who joined a war to do his duty. Even now, laying in this bed with his best friend and love sleeping next to him, he doesn’t see himself as a hero. Steve always tells him he is and how Steve looks up to Bucky in the hardest of times. Steve tells Bucky how he was Steve’s rock during his illnesses, his asthma and even when he had become Captain America.

The thought always makes Bucky chuckle. Bucky isn’t a solid rock stuck stubbornly into the floor of a river. He is a tumbling pebble, falling end over end and never knowing which way is up. Even now, when he is so sure of who he is, he still feels that way. His new metal arm flints as he lifts it off the bed and turns it this way and that. There is no red star marking him as “owned” by somebody else. Instead there is smooth metal that moves and acts like his real hand. It was a gift from T’Challa and Shuri along with the work that they had done to un-brain wash him.

When the tube had opened and Steve had been standing there, a smile plastered on his face, Bucky felt his world shift. That smile was one that he had longed for and now it was here. The next second he ended up stumbling into Steve’s arms and found he wanted to stay there forever. Somewhere that he was safe and felt at home. As with most nights, Bucky woke up in the middle of the night to his dreams and flash backs.

Steve has his own demons to contend with and Bucky works to help Steve fight them. But Bucky’s battles feel like his own and, as he slips from the room and down the hall, the floor to ceiling windows showing the stars, he thinks about those demons that now haunt his dream.

The living room is dark and just as they left it. The TV is turned off, the remote flung onto the couch and Steve’s book is sitting on the edge of the coffee table. The sketch book Bucky has been working on lays abandoned on the table as well and he picks it up as he sits down. The pictures would seem mundane to others. Steve sitting on the couch reading, his legs propped on another person’s. Another shows Steve’s face as he smiles, the eyes crinkling near the edges as he looks at the artist. Steve in the kitchen making dinner, Steve talking to Wanda in the kitchen, Steve on the bridge.

The last image stops Bucky in his flipping. He studies the picture intently as if remembering every line and detail within it, the look of utter confusion on Steve’s face and the shock in his eyes. Bucky tossed the sketchbook on the table and sits back. Fingers run through long hair and Bucky turns his head to look out the window. The tree tops are dark and it is hard to tell where they stopped, and the sky started. If not for the stars, Bucky would think that they are all one being, floating in the sky. Sometimes Bucky wishes he was floating in the sky and would float away.

The image teased at him again from the table and he flips it close with a quiet thud. “Buck?” That voice, tired and confused, is one Bucky loves. From their time living together after his parent’s death to now, Bucky could recognize Steve’s voice in a room filled with a million-other people.

Bucky turns and looks at Steve whose hair is rumpled, his clothes showing many creases from his turning over in bed. “Did I wake you?” Bucky asks, a smile forming on his lips. He loves Steve like this, not quite awake and looking almost angelic.

Steve grunts as he sits down next to Bucky and picks up the notebook. Steve turns to the page Bucky has been staring at, the edges of it folded due to Bucky’s forceful closing. “What’s this?” Steve’s own face smiles up at him as he turns to Bucky.

“Just a memory I had. From,” Bucky hesitates before speaking again, “from the bridge.”

Steve looks at the picture again before putting the sketchbook back on the coffee table. An arm automatically goes over the back of the sofa and tugs on Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky gives in and slips into Steve’s side and nudges his head against Steve’s chin. “Talk to me. Please.” The pain in Steve’s voice makes a lump form in Bucky’s throat.

“There’s nothing- “

“Stop lying. We all have our demons Bucky. You don’t need to deal with them alone.” It is the first time Steve has sounded angry and Bucky closes his eyes. He breathes in through his nose and lets it out slowly.

The memories come back unbidden and Bucky takes another breath before speaking. “It started on the bridge. I saw you and you called out to me. All I could think was ‘who was that man?’ They didn’t like it when I asked. So, they brain washed me again, doing what they thought would get them the results they wanted. They didn’t want Bucky Barnes, they wanted The Winter Soldier.”

Steve’s arm tightens on Bucky’s arm but he stays silent. “Then you showed up on the helipad. And all I could think was I need to stop this man. Another voice kept speaking though, shouting. ‘You know him. You know him. Why are you hurting him? Stop. Stop!’ It kept screaming and screaming and you kept speaking. My mind didn’t know what to do. One side told me to punch, to fight, to tell you to shut up. The other was screaming to believe you. Then you said ‘Finish it. Cause I’m with you till the end of the line.’’

“I stared at your face, bloody and beaten and I saw him. That kid from Brooklyn who wanted to prove himself in the war. Steve Rogers who became Captain America and all I could think was ‘I know him.’ Then you fell through the floor and was gone and before I knew it I jumped in after you and saved your ass. Again, by the way.”

At this, Steve chuckles and sighs. Steve’s chest rises and falls under Bucky’s head. A smile slips onto Bucky’s lips again as he slips his hand across Steve’s chest to rest on the other side of Steve’s waist.

“I ran. As fast and as far as I could. After going to the exhibit and seeing who Steve Rogers was, who I was, I knew I couldn’t be near you. I’d kill you and damn it I remembered. I remembered that I loved you and hoped you would let go. I should have remembered that you’re a stubborn ass who doesn’t let anything go. You…. showed up in my apartment. Run down as it was, I couldn’t believe I was seeing you standing there. I lied and said I didn’t know you and of course you didn’t believe me because you’re Steve Rogers and way smarter than anyone gives you credit for.”

“Either that or you’re a shit liar,” Steve jokes as he adjusts his body to fit Bucky more comfortably against his chest.

Bucky snorts as he shakes his head. “Watch your language Rogers.”

“You’re not any better Barnes,” Steve retorts, and Bucky laughs.

“Anyways, you were there. We got caught and…he forced me back. That man. He forced me back into Winter Soldier mode and I fought. For the first time, I fought because I knew in my mind Steve was there. Steve is in the building, he looked at me, he knows me. I can’t hurt him or his friends. Then it all went blank and the next thing I knew I was with you. I was safe with you.”

“I knew I wasn’t worth it. All of the fighting against those you knew and had teamed up with. I wasn’t worth your effort and we were in that plane. All I could think about was the war, the way we never got these private missions together. I tried to tell you,” Bucky’s voice cracks as he speaks and he shakes his head again. Breathing became more difficult as he tries to bring in some semblance of air.

“I said I wasn’t worth it but damn it Steve Rogers, you’re a stubborn ass, you didn’t listen to me! You fought with me even when finding out that I did the worst damn thing I could do. I killed innocents and you still fought with me. You brought me here.” Bucky’s waves his hands, signaling the apartment. “You got me a new arm, you had me un-brain washed and for what? I’m a broken soul Steve. I don’t think I can be saved, I’ve done too much evil.”

Steve is silent in the dark. A part of Bucky wonders if he fell asleep. “Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky.” The words come out in a whisper but it could have been a scream for all Bucky heard. “I told Natasha that when I saw you on that bridge. You’ve been with me through the best and the worst times of my life. You took me in and took care of me. Even now, you’re trying to protect me. Against you, against the evils you’ve seen but damn it Buck I can take it.”

Bucky sits up at this, his hair falling into his face in a mass. The hair is messed up from his laying on Steve’s chest and he stares down at Steve. In the darkness, Bucky can make out Steve’s features and his eyes slowly register every part of Steve. The way Steve lays wound up as if ready to chase Bucky to the ends of the world, the way he tries to stay casual while staring up at his best friend and love of so long. “I need you Steve,” The words come out croaked.

“I need you Buck,” Steve whispers the words then sits up quickly. Steve leans down and presses a kiss to Bucky’s lips, Steve’s hands slipping down to hold Bucky at the waist. The world feels electric in that moment and Bucky smiles as he pulls back and puts a hand on Steve’s chest. “You need sleep.”

Bucky laughs at this and reaches forward to slip as hand on Steve’s cheek. “Let’s go back to sleep then. Together.”

They slip back into their room and in the quiet darkness, they lay together. There is no miracle cure for their demons. All they can do is lie together in the darkness, with the stars outside winking at them and think about how lucky they are to have each other to fight those demons together.


End file.
